12 Strange and Long First Names

Sometimes parents make choices for their kids’ names that just seem odd to everyone else.  Of course, one person’s “strange” is another person’s “normal.” This is especially true in other languages. When I visited China, I learned that my given name can be translated there as “Big Noodle,” and you can bet that made the locals laugh. Here are twelve odd names, or at least oddly long names, to be found in the Western world:

1.  Maximilianus

As if the name “Maximilian” wasn’t already long enough, this variant adds two more letters to the end.  It’s a pretty bold thing to name your kid, since it translates from the original Latin as “the greatest.” You probably don’t think you know anybody who goes by this. But have you tried asking your friend Max what’s on their birth certificate?

2.  Named after a Light Fixture

The name Crystal isn’t that odd, although snobs will sometimes associate it with lower-class Americans.  However, one of the fanciest examples of this name ever was in the 1940’s when Bill, the founder of the Lear Jet company, named his daughter “Crystal Shanda”.  This is one of those times where you have to say her full name out loud to get the joke.  

3.  Bartholomew

This name means “son of Talmai”, which probably doesn’t really make you feel any more informed than you were five minutes ago. It turns out that Talmai is a lesser-known name from the Bible and was used to address one of the giant Nephilim. If you decide on Bartholomew for your own child, I urge you to try to get “Barth” to stick as a nickname, rather than “Bart.” It’s an acceptable variant, I swear!

4.  Ah, the 60’s

Anybody familiar with Frank Zappa could have guessed he was going to name his kids something strange. Zappa is already a weird surname to build off of. Well, his daughter, born before America won the Space Race by putting Neil Armstrong on the Moon, was named “Moon Unit” Zappa.  I would have assumed she had to go through some therapy over that, but apparently she’s an accomplished actress and singer, and has now started to release space-themed albums, so I guess she’s cool with it.

5. Round Table Names

Aballach is an odd-sounding name that comes from a somewhat obscure character in the tales of King Arthur and his knights.  The literal meaning is “orchard,” but in this case it probably referred to the mythical island of Avalon.

6.  What’s Your Job Again?

The actor Jason Lee named his son “Pilot Inspektor” Lee.  You’re going to have a hard time finding something stranger than that.

7.  A Memorable Location

In New Zealand, a baby was given the legal name “Number 16 Bus Shelter.” Does that sound male or female to you?  I’m more interested in finding out the story of what happened to make that particular bus shelter so memorable for the parents.

8.  A Hot One

The name Ignatius, related to “fire,” will have people wondering how to pronounce your son’s name.  Apparently it’s becoming quite popular with celebrities.

9.  Another Biblical Name

Sure to get your child called last during class roll call, Zachariah means “God has remembered.” He’ll probably end up going by Zach, which isn’t too bad.

10.  High expectations

Sarcastic C-list celebrity, Seanbaby, finally got around to having kids. He did not disappoint. He’s proudly named his daughter Rebel Timecop.  I’m assuming she’s going to have to start early with the kickboxing lessons if she’s going to live up to that one.

11.  Anastasia

We might think this name is a little too long in America, but it’s quite common in Russia.  You might have seen the animated movie about the long-lost heiress with this given name, which they often shorten to the also odd-sounding “Nastya.”

12.  That’s Long for “Mud”

Fans of the odd band, Primus, may remember a character going by the unlikely moniker “Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie.” Alowishus is actually more common than you might think, especially since you might think Les Claypool just made it up.  Speaking of weird, what kind of a name is Les Claypool anyway?

These extra long and crazy names are different for sure. But, at least for the entertainment value, we’re sure glad they’re around. 


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